Letters to the editor of the 'Hun

I wasn't blogging, but did manage to fire off a few quick letters to the Herald Sun (under a pseudonym of course). Why the 'Hun? I think because I tend to read it at work over lunch so I'd get a chance to respond promptly, whereas the Age gets taken home and read maybe days later making it too late to respond. Also, the 'Hun publishes so much drivel, I thought they'd generally be happy to publish mine...

Preference poll threat

(Published 21/11/14)

Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir / Madam,

Your editorial (Preference poll threat, 19/11) tells us that we “need to vote Liberal or Labor for effective government”. As both parties have “effectively” committed us to massive overpriced infrastructure projects without the slightest mandate from the people, I think I’d like to get a bit less “effective” and a bit more democratic government by voting for a minor party and trying to break the dodgy duopoly we’ve got running this state.

Yours,

----------

Andrew Bolt is wrong to dismiss "universal wage" as Greens lunacy

(Published 11/4/18)

To the Letters Editor.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Andrew Bolt is wrong to dismiss the "universal wage" as Greens lunacy (Aly only a pawn in crazy Greens ideology, 9/3). In fact, this elegant idea, as part of a broader overhaul of tax and welfare, has much to appeal to conservatives and was advocated by the fathers of neo-liberal economics, Friedrich Hayek and Milton Friedman. It could go a long way to  pay for itself through the dismantling of the existing welfare bureaucracy, it removes the disincentive to work caused by the high effective marginal tax rates that job seekers face when they attempt to transition from welfare, and it would save businesses the administrative hassle of dealing with hundreds of unqualified applicants for any vacancy as Newstart recipients attempt to meet their mutual obligations.

All sides of politics should embrace this idea and make the ideological battle around what level the income should be and how it can be paid for.

Yours sincerely,

-----

Greens not the dopes on dope

(Not published)

The Letters Editor,

Herald Sun.

 

Dear Sir / Madam,

Your Editorial (Greens’ white flag on dope, 17/4/18), in its predictable diatribe against sensible drug reform, tells us that Richard di Natale is no Winston Churchill as he “waves the white flag” on the war on drugs. That might be so, but your editorial writer reminds me of Comical Ali in Baghdad, 2003, telling us how well Saddam’s war was going whilst the coalition’s tanks rolled into town behind him.

Cannabis can be harmful for some people, sometimes, but a regulated market is actually the best way to reduce those harms, and to raise funds to resource rehabilitation programs. The illegal market, which your editorial in effect supports, does nothing to reduce supply, but exacerbates the harms to users and to the wider society by leaving supply and distribution in the hands of criminals.

We’ve had fifty years of the same failed policies on illicit drugs; how many more decades do we want to waste fuelling organised crime and bleeding billions from government coffers, before we concede that there might be a better way?

The only winners in the war on drugs are criminals.

Yours,

Boarking is back!

It's been awhile, but Ernst U., your guide to all that is good in life, is back in business...

Hello!

Excerpt from a letter to a friend

Here's an excerpt from an email to a friend in England:

"Yes, it is hot, very. I was ringing you about 2am, unable to sleep due to the heat.  I was sat in the backyard and it was still over 30degrees.  This is a glimpse of the future, so we (in Australia) better get used to it.  In a decade or so we'll probably get heatwaves like this every year and some years we'll get three or four.

I lay awake getting really angry at all the "skeptics", maverick scientists, fossil fuel execs, right wing pundits, assorted pollies and the selfish idiots, readily seduced by their half truths, distortions and lies, who vote for them.  At least 25 years ago the science was strong enough to suggest that governments should start to take prudent measures, instead we've had nothing except a whole lot of not much at all.

And now in Australia, denial is government policy.

Golly gosh, I'm off on a rant!   Anyway, hope all those bastards are happy, we're reaping what they've sowed."

On the Angry Summer

A broken weather record doesn't necessarily mean climate change, and records can get broken for many reasons; however if climate change was not involved you'd have as many cold records being set as hot ones, on average.

That's not the way it is. 

I'd hate to be considered an alarmist, and the first thing I'd say to a denialist is "I hope you're right", but it seems to me it's well time:
to pull our heads out of the sand,
our fingers out of our a*ses,
and try to turn down the experiment we're running on the only planet we've currently got to live on...

How to kill someone for free...

1. Go to Florida

2. Buy a gun

3. Goad your victim into throwing a punch at you

4. "Stand your ground" and blow your victim to bits

5. Walk away scot-free

Note, for best results at point 5, ensure your victim has darker coloured skin than you.

Bloody frustrating...

It's so frustrating listening to Red Cross on the radio complaining about their shortage of donors, when hey stop thousands of us from donating because we lived in the United Kingdom for six months during the period 1980-1996.


Where do the British get their bloody donations from?

A decent cuppa

Being of a somewhat sensitive nature, I die a little inside each time I see someone destroying tea: the workmate adding milk to their cup before adding the not-quite-boiliing-for-OHS-reasons water and the ubiquitous yellow enveloped teabag that is defeated before it starts; the inner-city cafes that import Italian barristas to work vast espresso machines like demented church organs, they offer coffee beans excreted by mongooses, but serve their tea in a bag undunked next to a pot of unsuitably cooling water; and the fast-food “restaurants”, well don't get me started.

Therefore it gives me the utmost pleasure to advise on the correct preparation of tea:

Ingredients:

A good loose black tea*

(*you don't need to go overboard, but the cheap stuff is generally of dubious providence and it's taste will betray it, on the otherhand, some things at the top end from fancy stores seem designed to extract many dollars for middle class vanity. I find Dilmah a suitable compromise, though doubtless there are many others.

It must be black tea. Green tea, not to my taste, is still tea I grant you, but it is not the subject of this treatise. I shudder to hear of herbal concotions and fruit infusions described as tea, these serve only to pollute decent water, even if their dubious medical benefits were proven I'd rather suffer the malady they might cure)

You will need a kettle, a tea pot, cup(s), a strainer, potable water.

Preparation:

Add sufficient water to fill as many cups or mugs as required plus a little more to the kettle and apply a source of heat.

As the water approaches boiling take a little to the pot to rinse it out and provide some pre-warming. Empty the pot.

Add tea. The classic one teaspoon per person and one for the pot is about spot on. With a decent tea, the spoons can be low rounded rather than heaped and if you don't wish for hairs on your chest you may forgo the one for the pot.

Pour boiling water into the pot over the leaves. Yes, boiling. Pour it whilst bubbling, in the one movement whilst you turn off the heat. No delay, no dilly-dally, get it on right away. If the water is not boiling, you are not making tea, merely an unfortunate infusion.

Leave to stand, weaker—shorter, stronger—longer. About five minutes will surfice for most.

Serve into the cups.

Though purists will argue otherwise, I believe it acceptable to add sugar and even a little milk, to taste. Some might even add lemon.

Enjoy.

Dear Greens Senators,

As a Greens supporter, I implore you to pass the legislation in the Senate today.

It is flawed legislation, but the impasse is worse. Sometimes politics demands compromise, sometimes it's distasteful.

If you continue to side with Abbott and his crocodile tear shedding colleagues, can you really say you are better than them?

You are certainly enabling them in driving more nails in the coffin of the government's electoral chances. After the next election and the subsequent double dissolution giving Abbott both houses; where will refugee policy be then?

Of course, once we are out of power, the moral high ground will once again be easy to secure!

Yours,

Ernst U.

Blues saying "We are the black & red"

Boarking's back with a footy post!

In celebration of Carlton fans wanting an Essendon win this weekend even more than the 'Dons fans do, Boarking Songwriting Services has been re-writing footy theme songs so that all fans can sing from the same song sheet.

(For those not aware of the finals permutations: a Bombers win in Perth would be nice, but not necessary for stitching up a spot in the top eight for us, however, a loss by West Coast is pretty much crucial for Blues to cling on to a top four spot. It hurts all Blues fans [included in their number is my better half, Esmeralda*] that they'll be barracking hard for the Dons but barrack they will!)

So here we go:

See the bombers fly up, up
To help win Carlton the flag
Our boys who play this grand old game,
Striving for the Blues glory and fame!
See the Bombers fly up, up,
To help the Blues to the four,
Carlton try their best,
But they won't get near,
Unless the Bombers fly up!


*Clearly not "better" in her choice of footy team

Legalize It!

Go & sign this petition:

_the_war_on_drugs

For best results, be listening to Peter Tosh whilst you do.

Let sanity prevail.

When Charlie & H. were the bee's knees

A bloke sent me one of those emails that do the rounds, perchance to raise a giggle. This one got me thinking:

The fact that society functioned perfectly well with heaps of people quaffing addictive (but legal) drugs every day, would seem to suggest that it’s not the drugs, but the “War on drugs” that is the problem in our time. It’s not so much that the “cure” is worse than the “disease”, but that the “cure” is the “disease”!

Alas, it's one of those areas where good sense can never be allowed to intrude on policy, but until it does we'll all continue to pay the price -- corruption, health costs, crime, organised crime, terrorist funding, 3rd world narco-economies, etc., etc. -- and all so we don't (shock horror) "send the wrong message".


----------------------

'Why Our Great-Grandparents Have Such Fond Memories Of Their Youth...' A bottle of Bayer's 'Heroin'. (I'm surprised that they remember anything!!) Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children suffering with a strong cough. * * * * * * * Coca Wine, anyone? Metcalf's Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a Medicinal Treatment. * * * * * * * Mariani Wine Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of it's time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal. * * * * * * * Maltine Produced by the Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York . It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal. Children should only take half a glass. * * * * * * * A paper weight A paper weight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany ). They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine. * * * * * * * Opium for Asthma At 40% alcohol plus 3 grams of opium per tablet, it didn't cure you, but you didn't care... * * * * * * * Cocaine Tablets (1900) All stage actors, singers, teachers and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance. Great to 'smooth' the voice. * * * * * * * Cocaine drops for toothache Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made the children very happy! * * * * * * * Opium for new-borns I'm sure this would make them sleep well (not only the Opium, but also 46% alcohol)! It's no wonder they were called: 'The Good Old Days'!! From cradle to grave.... Everyone Was Stoned!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The blog is back...

After a brief, arguably successful (we got on tele) political career, the blog is back on line.

NY Road trip

Boarking says Vote Green

That's all you need to know.

Actually, now I think about it, I quite like the Secular Party, because I'd quite like to have secularism; and I quite like the Sex Party, because I'd quite like to have sex.

So feel free to vote for them.

Pope Boarking!

I've always wanted to start my own religion for the same reason as most people: to amass power & wealth. I've just been waiting for a decent theology to come together and here goes...

A passing thought that Pauli the Oracle Octopus has what could be described as noodly appendages was, I quickly realised, a direct revelation from the Flying Spaghetti Monster who has spoken through me, Ernst U. Boarking, to announce to all that Pauli is his son, sent to earth to miraculously take cash off bookies the world over.

The Father (chatting to Boarking whilst the latter nude sun bathes)

Footy precognition is Pauli's proof of divinity and broadcast to the world, should get my new Paulianity off to a flyer. Just so long as his tip for the final, Spain, gets up tonight. If they don't, the whole things probably a non-starter.

The Son (tipping Spain again)

Anyhow, with Pauli being an acquatic type, it has been decreed that the priests shall wear speedos and the nuns, no strike that, we'll make them priestesses -- this won't be a misogynist type religion, the priestesses will wear bikinis. I'm recruiting now...

Garota de Lalomanu

I write this in Melbourne, in winter, but 30 hours ago I was on one of the world's finest beaches gazing on the white sand, the clear warm waters, surf on the reef, lush green island offshore. And, not least, onshore a bevy of beautiful bikini clad backpackers continually distracting the easily distracted such as myself. All this I was about to tear myself away from, to motorcyle back to the town, to fly to the cold and the clothed.



I'm a sucker for the bossa nova song, "The Girl from Ipanema". The original Portuguese lyrics by Vinicius de Moraes ("Garota de Ipanema") are much deeper than the English version, and they hint that beauty can bring sadness, as well as joy.

Later he wrote of the girl, "the sight of whom is also sad, in that she carries with her, on her route to the sea, the feeling of youth that fades, of the beauty that is not ours alone — it is a gift of life in its beautiful and melancholic constant ebb and flow."

What had flowed was about to ebb for me, I gazed and loved, and embraced the sadness.

The Garota de Lalomanu was undoubtedly S. a lovely Dutch girl: Tall (oh, about 6'3") and Tan (of course, she is in the tropics) and Young (only 20, half my age and a bit less) and Lovely (a lovely nature too; I smile and she does see, she smiles at me!)

As I type this in my winter, I still love a bit this Garota de Lalomanu, I suspect I'm not alone.

Bad poetry corner

The following is based on a true story, and contains a made-up word, like any good-bad poem should:

Emily, X-Ray technician
------------------------

Oh, Emily, Emily, Emily,
You make my heart all tremor-ly.

Your machine took a picture of my teeth,
For the erudition of my dentist, Keith.

You bid me to stay quite still,
But my heart did what it will,

That is to say, it was tremor-ly,
For an X-ray tech called Emily.

Flexi-Revolutions

I've decided to share some of my rare vinyl with the world, reliving the Eighties when I was young & enthusiasm flowed through me. And why not, it feels like a new decade although the purists have a strong but dismal arguement that the new decade starts next new year, a nostalgia hobby is good.

Let's concentrate on the good old flexidiscs, because though there are many a song clip on Youtube there are fewer of these. First up Kvatch001, featuring the still beautiful after all these years Clingfilm by the Sea Urchins. I've used all the power of Windows Movie Maker to provide the visuals, so please feast your eyes & ears.

First in a series of hundreds, if I can be bothered:

trade the emissions from my arse, you bastards!

Thanks to the collusion of Australia's pig-shit-thick voters, we've walked ourselves into what is essentially a one-party state masquerading as a democracy. All we get to choose is which faction of the Libor Party (or is it the Laberals) gets to play government for the corporate masters.

The dirtier elements of the corporate masters must be rubbing their hands with glee at how the CPRS (Comprehensive Polluter Reward Scheme) is shaping up to deliver them windfall profits in the billions, whilst reducing emission minimally, if at all, at stupendous cost to us all. In order that the average mug doesn't notice the glee, they take full page ads in the press bemoaning their fate.

An ETS skeptic is different to a climate skeptic. You can be the former without being the latter, I know because I am. The Aussie ETS is about as bad as these things can be; nearly unlimited free permits, but if you do need some more, cheap as chips unlimited offsets available, so no need improve your carbon efficiency. When the offset trees you've planted get destroyed in a wild fire, that's a natural event, so the emissions don't count (except to the planet).

The CPRS locks in failure on climate change for the next decade and is therefore worse than useless. Let's hope the Greens will join with the rabble on the right of the conservative faction and vote the bastard thing down.

I'm not a climate change skeptic, but I do admit that climate is so, so complex that there is a chance they are right. This slim possibility is no excuse for inaction, but as inaction is what we have, and what we are going to get more of, I really, truly hope they are right. Otherwise, we are completely and utterly... [insert preferred expletive here]!

Movember with Boarking

give away your hard-earned here: http://au.movember.com/mospace/124621

good onya'