Whale wailing

The regular reader (a hypothetical beast, probably existing only in my imagination) would probably be leaning towards the opinion that I’m a raving ratbag greenie leftie. However your typical Ernst U. Boarking is a complex beast, so it’s likely time we throw in a post from right field:

You are a hypocrite!

Okay, you might not be a hypocrite, but if you are a typical Aussie getting your knickers in a twist over Japanese whaling whilst chomping through your body weight in various bits of animal carcass every few months, you might at least consider the possibility.

Environmentalist and Aussie of the Year '07, Dr. Tim Flannery, has said that Minke’s are about as brainy as sheep and multiplying like rabbits. So, is a lamb eater on any moral higher ground than the Moby burger muncher?

The vegan pirates of Sea Shepherd can have the high ground, and good luck to them. The rest of us, it seems to me, have only one very shaky argument against a sustainable hunt;

That methods of hunting whales are so particularly cruel as to put them beyond the pail. The dodgy assumption then being that the methods of raising and harvesting our meat, eggs & dairy are all within the pail… Pigs & chooks in concentration camps, production line abattoirs, stinking transports between the two.

What's the difference in the end?

We're not interested in eating whalemeat and abattoirs don't get shown on tele...

Technorati Tags     ethics,whaling,hypocracy

WWPG83D?

What would firebrand rock god, Peter Garrett circa1983 do, were he shown a vision, twenty-five years hence of 2008 Peter Garrett MP & Minister?  I shudder to think but would imagine it be bloody...

1983 Pete reacts badly to vision of,




2008 Pete, Minister of the Environment (with responsibility for rubberstamping grandoise nightmares from the States, eradicating plastic bags, perhaps doing Penny Wong's filing, & err, nowt else)

Technorati Tags     peter,politics,garrett

Boarking summer program: #1 Never seemed to have much luck...

Based on a true story, the "I never seemed to have much luck with girls" graphic novella appeared in the cult English indiepop fanzine "Two pint take home. Rumour has it that it's written and badly drawn by a very young Ernst U. Boarking.

True facts:
#1 The names on the list are all singers in '80's New Wave and Indiepop bands, except Gertrude (of course) and Edwina Currie who was a Tory government minister.
#2 One of the phone numbers was real! (Amelia from Talulah Gosh)
#3 The original draft had Angel Babe in the last panel saying "Fuck off!" but the publishers, aware that their Mums would read it, watered it down to "No."

Simple New Year resolutions

For Boarking, one simple sentence, two very difficult resolutions:

 

Less alcohol, more nookie.

 

I only came up with the idea on the 2nd, those who were with me at midnight on NYE would vouch that I was in no state to consider resolutions then, or indeed put together coherent thoughts regarding basic motor functions, nevermind any higher order conceptual thinking.  However, since the 2nd, we've had good success on the first part of the resolution, though of course none on the second...

But fair play, it's not even weekend yet.

 

The nookie rules:

 

A partner should be a consenting adult not receiving direct financial payment for their service.

 

A partner should preferably be human, female & possessing some attractive qualities.  However, if the months pass with little success, Boarking may relax some or all of these requirements.

 

The alcohol strategy:

 

No rules, no real target, merely a strategy of DIY hypno-therapy, a silent mantra along the lines of, "I'm so over alcohol."  Say it a lot, cycling along or whatever.  Say it when you don't feel it.  I've no idea if it will work but it's doing alright in it's early stages.

Mind, it's not even weekend yet.

 

I've no nookie strategy, one option could be joining a weirdy big bonking free loving religious sect like the Children of God, hard for an atheist though.  Maybe a silent mantra for this too: "I'm so sexy boy!"  I might get the giggles though.

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Post-Saturday-Night-Update:

The above was written last week but not posted due to technical difficulties.  This means I can now comment post the first weekend test.

Partial success on point one, best described as "bit less tipsy than usual" though I did stack my pushbike on the way home.

Some progress perhaps on point two, to wit a phone number freely given without the relaxing of any requirements.  Still, best not count a chicken when we're just looking at an egg!

Technorati Tags     alcohol,resolutions,new-years,nookie

Merry Boarkingmass

If God is Santa for grown-ups, then who will be Santa for God? Boarking is happy to play God's Santa. God didn't get any presents the last couple of years because he was a very naughty god, what with the tsunami (on Boxing Day no less) then that earthquake in Pakistan. But this year he's been fairly good, delivering Australia from political evil, and making it rain a bit, so we'll be readying ourselves at Boarking Mansions for the sleigh ride to heaven... it's back on!

Charlie MacMackie has got him a rather fetching tie from David Jones, and I'm thing a nice single malt might not go amiss.

In the meatime, here's a couple of cut out and keep cards for the rest of you.

Ernst U. Boarking Appreciation Society

I have to admit, I'm very flattered that some top bloke has started an "Ernst U. Boarking Appreciation Society" on facebook. Perhaps you should join, if you are into that sort of thing.

It's better that than listening to Ep.3 of the unpopular Classic Joke Archive, which is now available.

Classic Joke Archive, ep. 2: Railway Station

Ernst & Charles tackle the old "How far is it to the railway station?" classic.

Technical note: This joke requires Charlie to say the word "one" roughly. It was difficult for an untrained actor to vary the voice though, and Audacity didn't seem to offer a distortion effect. So, when you hear "one" hear it spoken roughly.

This may cause you to think that Charles is a figment of Ernst's imagination. I cannot comment.