another bad choice in the world of blokes

Following a turn of events, hinted at in Love Song, that were a little damaging to the Boarking lovelife, it has been decided to re-activate the long dormant internet dating profile. Here's the blurb:

"Click here to make another bad choice in the world of blokes.

The infamous, and frankly a bit nutty, blogger that is Boarking, is now available for the Delight of discerning* young** ladies of a cute, quirky, silly and perhaps slightly hopeless nature.

Their friends think them a bit odd, but love them dearly.

* By "discerning" we mean a lady still prepared to not compromise on the following:
A partner must... be male, not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), have pulse.
** By "young" we mean that her mother's friends define the lady as "young""

Why it could work:

• We are not aiming to be the prospects first choice. They have to buy more "stamps" or whatever than they need. We aim for the humorous, silly profile, that looks good for the last throwaway stamp they have left after contacting their good prospects.

• Apart from the "infamous" bit, it's all true.

• We attach a sweet, natural photo (taken by the ex-!)

• If the contact doesn't want to spend any money, they can google, and contact the boy publicly for free via the blog comments.

Why it won't work:

• It's internet dating.

• I am hopeless.
  

We all understand that...

...it is un-Australian to not tip the footy.

Boarking recommends the Pago Pago Memorial Comp. for the discerning tipper.

Journal entry

A reversing truck woke me up and all of the million or so dreams meandering through my strange head drifted off, so many will-o'wisps. I'm left grasping for fragments, here's a couple:

I was in a crowded pub negotiating with Adam Hills to be on the panel, I think for something akin to "Good news week" rather than "Spicks'n'specks" so I was probably talking to the wrong bloke. Next up, most of the blokes in the crowd start stripping off, whilst the women do the same in another room. Confused, I leave my underwear on. Everyone starts to mix it up a bit.

My final image from this segment is of a young lady. In old, unPC days, I'd have used the "d" word, but instead we'll go with the less clear wording and describe her as a "little person". However, in other ways she was quite a big girl. Bashfully, she used one of her breasts to hide her face.

In my last snippet, I'm working in a library that looks nothing like the branch it's claiming to be. That's the least of my worries; the computer system is playing up, I'm trying to deal with difficult customers, demanding things we cannot give, and now I'm in the nude. It's very difficult to be assertive when you are working in the nude. Trying to do a job without clothes makes you feel quite naked (unless you work in porn, I suppose).

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The night before I visited friends in hospital to meet their new addition. I'd never seen a day old bubba before. Face all wrinkly, eyes reluctant to open, an "ooh, you've caught the sun a bit" skin colour. Lovely, nonetheless. Not much conversation.

The absence is not explained