silly season...

Love song

If you are in a new romance and looking for a song to own for it:

I'm pleased (not really) to advise that Yo La Tengo's Center of gravity is now available again.

It's a good'un and highly recommended.

Gangster whitewall

I'm very dark on youtube, the sodpots, for pulling my most popular file (Meredith Gift 2005, with commentary). We'd breached some mysterious community guideline, the details can't be confirmed or appealed. It'd had got over a 1,000 views, which means more than just my friends we're watching. I was almost famous. The bastids.

Still, like much on the 'net, they're useful bastids. I'd much enjoyed the Massive Attack and YLT versions of "Be thankful for what you've got". Now I've finally checked out the original and much enjoyed the homemade accompanying clip...

Now I know what "gangster whitewalls" are.

bugger footy tipping

Nearly there folks.
Soon I'll have to come up with another reason for this blog. Frankly, as the tips crash around me, "soon" is not soon enough.
A dismal three last week whilst I was up in Sydney and mercifully insulated to a degree from the trauma.
Can't even be bothered going through them this week, 'cept to note that I'm off Essendon, Adelaide will beat the Saints and North are a decent chance against Cats as they've got something to play for.
May your luck be better than mine...

Don't pay out before correct weight

It seems a long time ago now.
Round one and one of those nasty Collingwood types down the pub goaded me into accepting a $20 wager on whether Pies or Dons would finish atop the home&away ladder. The Dons had started brightly but little was expected of them whilst much was expected in Pie-land.
----
At around round eleven the season was going to plot and then some; the Pies were on fire, polishing off the mighty Cats by a 14 goal margin before following up with a shellacking of the Eagles; the Dons, meanwhile, had lost 8 on the trot including beltings by such powerhouses as Richmond, as well as an ANZAC Day to forget (fortunately, due to my alcohol consumption that day I largely had).
Well, I was heartily sick of the subject of this wager by this stage of proceedings and insisted against strong opposition on paying out my twenty in a vain attempt to put the matter to bed.
----
Now it is haunting me.
The Pies are losing games and players, off-field dramas suck their morale and President Eddie has jets of steam exiting his ears. Whilst Essendon are coming home with the wet sail, four point and percentage behind the disintegrating Pies with four games to go.
Back in June you'd have got about 1000/1 with a bookie on our wager, now it is probably at about evens.
----
It is to my eternal shame that I will never get that $20 back, nevermind the $20 I might yet win, at least in an alternate universe where I am a man of faith.
----
What of this weeks tips you ask: Cats & Hawks, of course; Port to upset the Blues; Saints over the Collywobbles; Swans over Freo possibly; North over the Dogs (who are in September mode); Crows & Dons to finish off.

Boarking's punchline of the day

"Don't worry, I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian."

18 tips

All the home teams, therefore two upsets: Collingwood & North.

I have an irrational feeling about the former and cannot figure why the latter could be an upset.

Sod tipping

I'm about as likely to tip the lottery as tip the footy these days.

Miles off the pace, I forget about looking for the upsets that might help me catch the front-runners. I'm stick with my new found loyalty to the Bombers, otherwise it is a case of tipping faves to try for eight and a little small change.

To wit: cats, dons, saints, tiges, swans, port, north & doggies.

Lunacy & footy tipping

I better take a break from politics or I'll blow a gasket.

Back to footy, it is, where the Boarkinger is throwing out the rule book. There's no point in finishing the tipping in 20th place, therefore it's time to fly high or crash and burn in the process. We're going on gut feeling and half-hunches, we're tipping away teams and avoiding favourites.

We're tipping: pies, doggies (over cats at the cattery!), bombers, lions, hawks, carlton, port & freo.

We Trust that God is With Us.

Draft submission on the Wonthagghi Desal plant

You bastards!

We know, and we know you know, that we don't need your energy guzzling, sea life destroying, coastline despoiling, mega-priced industrial nightmare to secure our water supply. After two years of reasonable rainfall, it will be a white elephant, a carbunkle of cost on every household's water bill. It will be called "Brumby's folly" and will likely have you back on the opposition benches for a generation. Surely you cannot be so blind that you cannot see.

Just in case drought is the permanent new reality, here's what we should be doing:Water efficiency; water tanks; water recycling; grey water capture; storm water capture (you know, I presume, that more water drops on Melbourne than we use, even in drought years).

That will do it, problem sorted.

If, however, you really want water coming out of your ears:

Pipe it from Tassie; pipe it from the Kimberley; pipe it from Mars (where it's just been found); tow icebergs up from the Southern Ocean; drink Baldrick's urine; anything but the desal plant, you brainless, heartless, vandals.

So, here's me; grumbling leftie.

You never cared if I flirted with the minor parties because you knew I was rusted on to preference you above the Libs. Well no longer, this is the last straw. Next time Ted the Toff gets my nod on preferences, including in the Upper House where my vote actually counts. I doubt they'll be better, but can't see how they could be worse. Still, it's a sad day...

You bastards! Making me vote Liberal.

Turning into the home straight...

Still recovering from Sunday's horror. I've barely had a wink of sleep since.
Now as the Council tipping comp turns for home at round 15, I find myself a bit off the pace, cracking the whip with fury.
In this somewhat strained analogy, "cracking the whip" means tipping underdogs. The best u-dog to be tipping of late, is my Dons who are coming good. The Bombers have had a decent run of late at the 'Dome against Brisbane. 2001 was a long time ago.
Lots of close games this week according to the bookies. I'm going for the home teams apart from the Tigers. They've got form at Subiaco and can continue the Eagles losing streak, I hope.
My apologies to Blues fans: my tipping against the Saints will likely ensure they win.
STOP PRESS: Just heard on the radio that Richo is out. Maybe I should go all home teams?
Oooh, indecision creeping in.

Split round tipping nightmare

Is there anything worse in the whole wide world?

Imagine...

You tip Collingwood when they are underdog

You note it in your diary

You blog about the reasons why they'll win

Therefore you spend Saturday night barracking for the bloody Pies

And they win...

But come Monday you find that through some mis-click of the mouse ten days back, you had somehow got Sydney in the all important big money, high prestige work tipping comp.

You could have been back in the leadership group.

You find yourself languishing.

You are devastated.

This is how empires fall.

Serves you right for allowing yourself to get distracted (see previous post).

Can't feel both feet on the ground...

If you should find yourself on a winter's evening with a friend, lying on your rug in front of your gas fire, heads lightly touching and each sucking on a chupa chup:

"Whenever you're next to me, ba bah
Center of gravity, ba bah
Can't feel both feet on the ground..."

I highly recommend Yo La Tengo's Center of Gravity on the stereo, remove your lolly to join in on each ba bah.

It makes the perfect sublime.

Late tipping news

The hypothetical reader was shocked at the failure of this blog to get in the tips before last weekend. What could be distracting Ernst? Not romance, surely?

The weekend proved challenging for the tipper, the three out of six on the Boarking sheet, assisted by the Dons getting over the line in Subiaco, looks pretty reasonable. I missed out on Carlton and kicking myself on it; I’d never have tipped Richmond if I’d known about all the centenary hype surrounding their game, you just know they muck up games like that. Can’t work out the saints, my tips suffer accordingly. Like everyone, I missed Melbourne.

This weekend I’m fairly confident on Geelong and going for the Pies over Swans. The Swans are rightfully favourites, however:
Pies have excellent record in Sydney,
They’ve a few good Ins,
Their form is not as bad as recent results might suggest,
They need the win more.
It’s painful, but I must barrack for Collingwood this weekend… urgh!

Funtimes at the End of the world

Someone told me about a book that lists things to do before you die which includes:
Be an extra in a movie

I had a jolly, though long and tiring, time crossing it off my list yesterday. The bonus was that instead of do nothing type extra activity we got to riot and panic with gay abandon. Glad I wore sensible footwear, the famous Boarking Boots, girls in silly shoes suffered. Still, sore as buggery every else from "pretend" bumps and bashes.

Here's a couple of pics:
This is from today's Sunday Age, p.5, or their website.

Can't make out Ernst U.B.? It's not easy I admit, look for the maroon cap near bottom left. I'm mostly obscured by the tall, dark young lovely in very short skirt and endless legs (she forgot to ask for my number though). Following the arrow in the enlargement helps you appreciate the Boarking brush with slight fame .

Pampering to "kill'em all" fantasies with a Humvee mounted machine gun:


Whipped the phone out after the last "Cut!" of the last scene for this shot.

The film's called The Knowing, starring Nicolas Cage, who I almost accidentally bumped into at one point. I'll be going through the DVD frame by frame!

Lucky rd. 13 (and use of semi-colons)

I keep having good ideas for writing decent blog posts but never manage to finish them lately; so it's back to the footy where even I'm losing interest after a disatrous last round of 4 miserable ticks. Now, suddenly six off the pace at work, I find myself looking for the upset each round to play myself back into contention. This week is easy, the upset is my nice bombers.

(Did you notice that semi-colon in the first sentence? Neat, huh? I got complimented this week for my use of a semi-colon in an email; it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, but now I'm a bit scared to use them in case I muck it up. No point in being timid, I guess)

FREO are back, especially against the SAINTS
HAWKS, PORT, DOGGIES and SWANNIES, no worries
LIONS over CROWS, but bit worried
DONS to do to BLUES what Blues did to Pies.

ate a dozen

The Boarking readership is plummeting but I'm determined to persevere, especially tonight, where I'm tipping my Dons for the 1st time since rd.3.

In other news, for this juicy round: North over Freo, Doggies over Lions, Crows over Hawks, Swans over Saints, Cats over Port, Pies over Blues, and for their 2nd win of the season; Dees over Tigers who are giving indications of losing the plot.

It's good to have a round, where there are a few games to think about, rather than going with all the faves.

Footy 11

Was looking okayish for 8 at 3/4 time on Sunday evening last week, but bloody, bloody Freo, what a shower of's...

Hard to tip against the faves this week, to wit: NORTH, CROWS, HAWKS, SWANS, LIONS, DOGS, PORT, PIES.

If I was tempted to go for an upset, it'd be the SAINTS, a possibility, especially with the outrageous suspension of in-form doggie Murphy.

Also, I've this vaguely good vibe about my Dons (up against the Hawks), it's probably just heart ruling head.

Eight out of ten ‘aint bad…

Here’s my 8 for 10:
CROWS over DONS, Scotties back but it’s not likely to save us, alas.
Hot PIES
DOGGIES to upset HAWKS, going on an uneasy gut feeling here.
LIONS, CATS, SWANS, SAINTS & FREO to round it off.

PM visits Boarking

Our workplace was graced last week with Chairman Kev, the radiant Julia G., and other luminaries such as local-boy-made-good Eddie Maguire.

Many of my colleagues got to share a buffet breakfast with the main man, impressions it seems were positive.

Alas, it was not seen fit to give Boarking a head's up, my manager was "sworn to secrecy" and was only able to share the news with close friends and favored underlings. It wouldn't, I feel, have risked state security to suggest that I might want to come in early on the morrow.

Maybe it was feared that the sometimes opinionated and forthright Boarking might cause a diplomatic incident, but I would have just said thanks for getting rid of the inequitable Medicare surcharge slug on those of us on moderate incomes with the good economic and political sense not to have signed up to the private medicine rort.

I'll find plenty to have a go at Kev and his gov over the next couple of years, but credit where it's due on the surcharge and for being nice to my colleagues.

aflate

Apologies to my imaginary reader who awaits the Boarking tips b4 putting in their own. Though it might not do you much harm... I'm watching CATS vs PIES on tele and the pies are three big ones up. Like most, I'm going for geelong.

For the rest, FREO over BLUES, the dockers can't keep chucking games in the last qtr.
SYD over PORT, though would be more confident if it was in sydney.
CROWS over WCE, obviously.
TIGERS over my BOMBERS who seem to have given up.
LIONS over SAINTS, no worries.
DEES are paying $11, could be worth a $1 bet at the bookies, but we tip the lucky bastid HAWKS in this rd.1 rematch.
DOGS over ROOS, not massively confident.

I've got the footytips.com.au page up as I type, showing Geelong paying $8. This is either an error, or I've done my tipping dough tonight, bearing in mind I'm watching an hour behind...

Bugger!

afl8

Club footy is back and the Boarking tipping machine is right on it. Only going for one upset this round, and that's tonight, the team I can't tip gets my tip of death: SAINTS over PIES. The Saints have some serious outs but a couple of alright ins too. It's nice to tip against the Pies even when it's not sensible.

For the rest we go with the bookies:
CATS over Tigers. I'm going to this game and I'll support the underdogs who will be alright, but I won't tip'em.
LIONS
HAWKS
NORTH
CROWS
SYDNEY. Rd8 and my mighty DONS are already "playing youngsters" and presumably thinking of draft picks. I won't be tipping them much for the rest of this season.
DOGGIES.

Go lock'em in!

Imaginative dressing

How come, if you see a woman in clothing that "leaves little to the imagination", you find yourself imagining quite a lot?

afl 7 roundup

What's wrong with the universe? AFL timekeepers, which might explain my continuing Saints tipping hoodoo for this week.
As for the other fail: you could tip Melbourne? In fact, my brother BoarkingJnr did... he thought "they were due". He is a prescient fool!

Meredith Gift 2005 (with commentary)

It's an exciting new movie from Boarking Productions:

"Warning nude people. Footage from amongst the competitors of the 2005 gift at the Meredith Music Festival with narration; set to Yo La Tengo's instrumental cover of the Ramone's Blitzkreig Bop."

It's on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9PfXVOA3Qk

AFL 7 0f 22

Have definitely lost my tipping mojo, but for my sins; here's Round seven:
BLUES, CATS, HAWKS, TIGES (SAINTS though are the team I can't tip in '07 so be warned), CROWS, DOGS, FREO, PORT.
If this lot aren't worth a big 8, then there is seriously some problem with the universe.

ANZAC memorial

Today's a good day to say "Hello" to the spirit of my Grandad. He was a top bloke, I like to think his lack of ambition lives on in me.

He wasn't an ANZAC, but found himself in the British Royal Corp of Transport driving a truck. You're not likely to find the myopic Boarking clan on the frontline, but we'll do our non-medal winning bit.

Grandad landed in Normandy on the 7th of June '44, carrying a portable surgical operating table in the back. He carried on across the continent for the next year or so. He told us grandkids that the closest he brushed death was the discharged .303 that came from the should-have-been-unloaded rifle his mate was cleaning. He claimed his only encounter with the German military was a low flying fighter whizzing overhead during the Battle of the Bulge, gone in the blink of an eye. He would devour the Commando War Comics as avidly as we did.

Later, reading enough military history, I realized what he must have seen, such as the carnage of the Falaise Gap, to site the most obvious one, and not told us. Driving supplies would take you to a lot of places; did he see concentration camps I wonder? Maybe it's just as well I'll never know.

It's certainly well that I've never had to experience it myself.

I don't agree with families of veterans marching. Let only the veterans march, and let their dwindling numbers indicate a victory of peace over war. But if it ever got that there was no-one left to march, that'll be the time that remembering will be more important than ever.

Lest we forget.

KoD tipping

Much gnashing of teeth at Boarking Mansions as the footy gods desert and we plummet to a pathetic 3 plus a draw. Thought I was good at tipping, but it was just a bit of luck after all. I was like a lottery winner thinking they were "good" at selecting numbers.

Tipping notes can come back and bite me on the bum, so I think I'll skip'em this week. I annoint with the Kiss of Death: PIES, CATS, BLUES, DOGS, SAINTS, LIONS, ROOS, HAWKS.

Rd. 4 tipping notes

Still clear on the work ladder, but not playing it too safe this week. Let's face it, playing safe resulted in my worst tips of the season.

The answers are;

DONS Forget the $3.15 outsider status, this is tipping with the heart and head. We've a reasonable record recently against the SAINTS flaky superstars. I'm feeling good about it, and if I were better organised, I'd go to the game.

CATS Expect no thrashing, but doubt there'll be an upset either.

ADELAIDE After last week's thrashing by the Tiggers I, slightly perversely, crown FREO the Richmond of the West, sucking in talent, churning out mediocrity. Crows, no worries.

LIONS Very unsure. However, it's many a year since HAWKS won at the Gabba. If in doubt, home team.

PIES Should bounce after last weeks embarrassment, but it would be no surprise either should NORTH prevail.

BLUES Because DEES are so hapless.

EAGLES Great to have so many hopeless interstate teams this year. If in doubt (and indeed, there's much to doubt about both these teams), home team. Apparently, there's a heap of dosh gone on PORT, so maybe someone knows something I don't.

Song remains the same

Getting older as I am, I don't get to to see much live music anymore but in some attempt to keep the beergut in manageable proportions I do like to cycle a bit. Therefore, I had to look in on Velorock a couple of weekends back. Velorock is a “bicycle powered gig”. Cute.

A band of youngsters, the Crayon Fields, sort of geeky kids that got picked on at school, cranked up; a fog of deja vu descended...

They're playing in a clubhouse with no stage, just like the upstairs room of a pub in Bedford, back in the Mother Country, back when I was the right age for this sort of thing. Back in 1985, I reckon, Pastels, Razorcuts and Talulah Gosh on the bill. The Crayon Fields channel all these and dozens more like them, following the indie pop ethic of basic song structure, minimum drums & bass, simple riffs. The singer plays rhythm on a Rickenbacker, just like I always wanted to do, and sings flat & weak, just like I always did.

He even sort of looks like Stephen Pastel.

Even the crowd fitted in the deja vu fog, the anti-fashion, the fey girls I'd have a desperate crush on but not talk to. Only digital cameras everywhere and mobile phone conversations attempted remind me of the present.

I loved it, why wouldn't I? For half an hour I was nineteen again.

The Pastels, circa 1985

The Crayon fields, circa 2008

You can't tip footy these days

Two big upsets mean that 5 for the round looks pretty good.

Only a Richmond fan could tip 7 (as happened in the Pago Pago comp)

Only a complete nutter could have got 8 (there were 267 of these in footytips.com.au, the mind boggles)

I promise my next post won't be footy related f

Tipping Rd.4

Much exulting at Boarking mansions. After 7, 7 & 8 in the first three rounds the Boarking punditry takes an outright lead atop the work ladder, whilst those in the know are starting to follow this blog closely (in my dreams).

Now, like an ordinary team with two goals up at the first break, the temptation is to try and hold out for the rest of the game. In tipping, that means go conservative. So this week, it's all the favourites, and tipping against my own Dons (which will result in confused allegiances in front of the box tonight)

So we go: DOGS, NORTH, CATS, SWANS, PORT, HAWKS, PIES, FREO...
If this lot get up, the tipping 8 pie will be divided many a way.

However you never get all 8 faves home, do you? A case can be made for several of the underdogs and if I was languishing in the pack and prepared to take risk for potential reward, I might have a look at: CROWS, LIONS, BLUES, DONS &/or DEES, probably in that order.

May luck favour the timid!

Boarking tipping notes for round 3

Another 7 last week, would have been 8 if I could learn to tip with head not heart.

This is a much harder round to tip, apart from the game down at Geelong. Here's all you need for this week:

DOGS Beating the Dees last week by 95 is actually no guide to form, but I've a feeling, nothing more, that they'll beat the more fancied SAINTS. I've a soft spot for the doggies, so this is probably foolish heart tipping.

HAWKS They might be tired by the long trip back from the West, but I still stick with them making it 3 out of 3 over the ROOS.

FREO The Derby. Usually brings out the best in the Dockers, and the EAGLES were pretty ordinary last week.

DONS Bloody CARLTON are excellent at playing above their lowly selves to upset the Bombers and their supporters such as myself. Dons only won last time because Carlton were in their end of season Tanking Time. Boarking will be at the game tomorrow night, so we better bloody win!

SWANS Good show last week, obviously sparked up by Boarking saying they should be shot. Likely to be a close game, but the LIONS though at home, might be a bit knackered after last week's slog in the wet.

CATS Imagine if the DEES won? There would be widespread rioting and inquiries in parliament.

PIES I'd love the TIGERS to beat them but I wouldn't tip it.

CROWS PORT are likely not as bad as their early results suggest, but you have to go with Adelaide, no worries!

Round 2 footytipping with Boarking

Your favourite boar got seven in round one, so listen up:

LIONS Not sure, so go with home team and against PIES ‘cos we hate them

DOGS Will absolute maul the hapless DEES. Might take a financial interest in this game it’s money for old rope

CROWS Another when in doubt go home team

SAINTS Another no brainer, but a very slight chance they could muck it up

HAWKS FREO slight favourites, but you can’t argue with a 300+% can you?

SYDNEY Should all be shot for their hideous game plan, however should account for PORT at home

ESSENDON Go bombers! Heart ruling head here a bit, but we are a genuine chance (say about 25%)

NORTH After last week, my “always tip against TIGERS” policy is under review. However I’ll stick with it this week, I go with the majority that the Kangas will bounce back (though not massively confident)

Footy & stuff

An alter-ego got this message:

"Hi Boarking AlterEgo,

It's time to find more potential heroes for your competition: Pago Pago Memorial.

We want to make it simple to get others to join your competition. Just forward the below link to your tippers. Yep, that's it.

OK, in big bold font - here it is!

http://footytips.com.au/jc.cfm?c=5486&P=

That's it. Start forwarding.

Regards


The footytips.com.au team
www.footytips.com.au "

Take heed, because footy matters, it's free and the prizes are great (not)

The Boarking tip the season before it begins has adopted essentially the following philosophy:

Tip the home team, except always tip Essendon (mad loyalty), always tip against Richmond (good sense)

God and stuff

Folk used to say,

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness"

What this means to atheists such as myself is:

"Cleanliness is next to impossible"

No wonder my house is such a pigsty.

-----

If I do manage to clean my house, will that prove the existence of God?

Discuss.

Boarking's Theory of Bass Players Looking a Bit of a Knob at Times

Probably be fairer to call it a hypothesis, which I developed whilst watching a unnamed band last weekend.

It goes like this:

Finger picking bass players, might be more talented than their plectrum wielding brethren, however they look a bit silly. Most upsetting is the tendency to nod their heads, chin to the fore like strutting chooks. Obviously having the guitar up over the chest is never going to help matters.

On the other hand, the player using a pick, her axe slung low, head down, hair over eyes, looks like rock'n'roll.

This hypothesis has nothing to do with the fact that I might in the past have played bass, but never was able to master the finger picking art. Honest...

[portrait of the blogger as a young
man playing bass (with a pick)]

word counts

Before yesterday I don't think I understand the power of the word.

"Sorry"

Australia is such a better place for it.

We have so much to do, to make the actions that need to accompany the word, to happen and to work.

After listening to the radio much of yesterday, at my desk, driving to meetings, eyes moist, I start to believe that it can happen and can work... though my head urges caution still.

During the election campaign, our previous PM warned us that when we change the government, we change the country.

Well we did and we have,

Thank whatever higher power you wish!*

I rarely think good of pollies, especially from the major parties, but I'm thinking good of our new PM... it's freakin' me out a bit, to be honest, but it makes a nice change.


*I'm thanking: Flying Spaghetti Monster

Technorati Tags     kevin,australia,sorry,reconciliation,rudd

Let's go naked

Two further reasons to be naked:

1. Since the fall of Sparta, a long time ago, all major wars, not involving pygmies, have been started by clothed people.

2. If you partake in any of the major monotheist religions; please consider that Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden were close to God and naked too. Therefore if you embrace nudity, you should find yourself closer to your God.

I rest my case.

Technorati Tags nudity,God

headhurts

Ooh, me'ead...

The NY Less alcohol resolution has suffered a long weekend hammering with barely a let up from Friday lunch to the early hours of this morning.

However, in a spirit of keeping positives, I can at least hold my head up and state that amidst all the adventures in the wee hours there was no loss of either coherence, motor function or memory. All three collapsed back on NYE, and it's this that we fear most, and most wish to avoid.

So coherent was I in a 4am cab ride this morning, after six hours of putting myself outside of a number of mountain goats (the beer variety, rather than the animal) that I conversed with the Somali cab driver about the dire situation of things in East Africa, whilst we listened to the World Service on News Radio. We reflected that we're pretty lucky to live in a stable democracy where prime ministers go graciously, exit stage right when the people say so.

The ride started on a sour note though when my saying that I was going to Glenroy prompts the driver to demand to see the colour of my money before seeing fit to proceed. The initial impulse is to get riled, but when you think of what your average poor driver has to put up with you think perhaps it's fair enough.

I've decided to say no more on the more nookie front. It seems to me that a gentlemen does not comment on such thing, and Boarking has decided he probably shouldn't either. Perhaps, there's nothing much to report anyway. Perhaps both scenarios hold true.

Anything big, in the future, such as pregnancies created or marriages participated in, might get a mention.

A mate, let's call him Bert, on my querying his spending a $100 to attend The Police concert, suggested that I was so parsimonious that I'd not spend $100 on my own wedding. He has a point, your Boarking can be as tight as a gnat's chuff when the mood takes him.

It might be an idea, in the spirit of self improvement, to work a little on a spirit of generosity, as much with myself as anyone. To give more than you receive.

A third resolution, indeed.

Not a bad idea, though I'd still not give a green note to see a band 30 years past their peak!

Technorati Tags alcohol,resolutions,new-years,nookie,taxi

Whale wailing

The regular reader (a hypothetical beast, probably existing only in my imagination) would probably be leaning towards the opinion that I’m a raving ratbag greenie leftie. However your typical Ernst U. Boarking is a complex beast, so it’s likely time we throw in a post from right field:

You are a hypocrite!

Okay, you might not be a hypocrite, but if you are a typical Aussie getting your knickers in a twist over Japanese whaling whilst chomping through your body weight in various bits of animal carcass every few months, you might at least consider the possibility.

Environmentalist and Aussie of the Year '07, Dr. Tim Flannery, has said that Minke’s are about as brainy as sheep and multiplying like rabbits. So, is a lamb eater on any moral higher ground than the Moby burger muncher?

The vegan pirates of Sea Shepherd can have the high ground, and good luck to them. The rest of us, it seems to me, have only one very shaky argument against a sustainable hunt;

That methods of hunting whales are so particularly cruel as to put them beyond the pail. The dodgy assumption then being that the methods of raising and harvesting our meat, eggs & dairy are all within the pail… Pigs & chooks in concentration camps, production line abattoirs, stinking transports between the two.

What's the difference in the end?

We're not interested in eating whalemeat and abattoirs don't get shown on tele...

Technorati Tags     ethics,whaling,hypocracy

WWPG83D?

What would firebrand rock god, Peter Garrett circa1983 do, were he shown a vision, twenty-five years hence of 2008 Peter Garrett MP & Minister?  I shudder to think but would imagine it be bloody...

1983 Pete reacts badly to vision of,




2008 Pete, Minister of the Environment (with responsibility for rubberstamping grandoise nightmares from the States, eradicating plastic bags, perhaps doing Penny Wong's filing, & err, nowt else)

Technorati Tags     peter,politics,garrett

Boarking summer program: #1 Never seemed to have much luck...

Based on a true story, the "I never seemed to have much luck with girls" graphic novella appeared in the cult English indiepop fanzine "Two pint take home. Rumour has it that it's written and badly drawn by a very young Ernst U. Boarking.

True facts:
#1 The names on the list are all singers in '80's New Wave and Indiepop bands, except Gertrude (of course) and Edwina Currie who was a Tory government minister.
#2 One of the phone numbers was real! (Amelia from Talulah Gosh)
#3 The original draft had Angel Babe in the last panel saying "Fuck off!" but the publishers, aware that their Mums would read it, watered it down to "No."

Simple New Year resolutions

For Boarking, one simple sentence, two very difficult resolutions:

 

Less alcohol, more nookie.

 

I only came up with the idea on the 2nd, those who were with me at midnight on NYE would vouch that I was in no state to consider resolutions then, or indeed put together coherent thoughts regarding basic motor functions, nevermind any higher order conceptual thinking.  However, since the 2nd, we've had good success on the first part of the resolution, though of course none on the second...

But fair play, it's not even weekend yet.

 

The nookie rules:

 

A partner should be a consenting adult not receiving direct financial payment for their service.

 

A partner should preferably be human, female & possessing some attractive qualities.  However, if the months pass with little success, Boarking may relax some or all of these requirements.

 

The alcohol strategy:

 

No rules, no real target, merely a strategy of DIY hypno-therapy, a silent mantra along the lines of, "I'm so over alcohol."  Say it a lot, cycling along or whatever.  Say it when you don't feel it.  I've no idea if it will work but it's doing alright in it's early stages.

Mind, it's not even weekend yet.

 

I've no nookie strategy, one option could be joining a weirdy big bonking free loving religious sect like the Children of God, hard for an atheist though.  Maybe a silent mantra for this too: "I'm so sexy boy!"  I might get the giggles though.

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Post-Saturday-Night-Update:

The above was written last week but not posted due to technical difficulties.  This means I can now comment post the first weekend test.

Partial success on point one, best described as "bit less tipsy than usual" though I did stack my pushbike on the way home.

Some progress perhaps on point two, to wit a phone number freely given without the relaxing of any requirements.  Still, best not count a chicken when we're just looking at an egg!

Technorati Tags     alcohol,resolutions,new-years,nookie